5 Dangerous Mistakes That Will Ruin Any Date Immediately! + Men’s Dating Tips



Dating advice thats actually ruining your chances of finding love

carrie bradshawCan't help but wonder if all the dating advice you've been getting is bogus? As it turns out, a lot of it is.

  • can be confusing — mainly because there's a lot of advice that isn't actually helpful.
  • INSIDER spoke to a professional matchmaker to learn the common dating advice that could be ruining your chances at having a healthy relationship.
  • Trying to lower your standards or put off the " define the relationship" conversation for as long as possible are some of the things to avoid.

Dating can be — and often is — very confusing. From to dealing with to nailing down a time to meet with your Bumble match, the act of dating can sometimes feel like more trouble than it's worth.

Another thing that can make dating a challenge? All of the relationship-related advice — solicited or otherwise — that most people receive from their friends and family. The problem with such advice is that very few things are universal — especially when it comes to dating.

Because of this, it's hard to determine which pieces of dating advice you should actually listen to. But it's pretty easy to figure out what you definitely shouldnotlisten to.

To help clarify things, INSIDER talked to Gina Yannotta, a professional matchmaker at The Vida Consultancy, to find out which pieces of dating advice might actually be holding you back from finding love.

1. You need to lower your standards.

"Some people find if they've been dating around for a while and they haven't had a lot of success, people tell them that they need to be less picky or lower their standards to meet someone," Yannotta told INSIDER. "And that's just not true."

Yannotta said that this advice is most commonly given to people in their 40s and 50s, but it tends to be dished out to everyone who's tried their hand at dating. And, as long as your standards aren't impossible, telling someone that their standards are too high is kind of BS.

It's actually great to know what your dating standards are, as long as they're realistic. The CW

"When I'm trying to match someone, I've found that it's really more about finding what they're compatible with and what makes them compatible with someone else, rather than saying, 'You know what, you should probably cut that standard out,'" Yannotta told INSIDER. "As long as their expectations are realistic — they're not looking for a unicorn that doesn't exist — it's good to know what your standards are."

2. Don't try to define the relationship too soon.

A lot of people think that you should put off "the talk" as long as possible so you don't freak out the person you're dating.

"Don't do that," Yannotta told INSIDER. "If you want to be exclusive, you need to have that conversation, and you need to put everything up front from the beginning."

This doesn't mean you should ask to be official after one date. Instead, take a few dates to figure out whatyouwant — a casual hookup? Something more serious? — and use context clues from the person you're seeing to figure out how to discuss it.

There's no set time frame as to when this should happen, but Yannotta says if you've been dating about two months, it's more than acceptable to have a conversation about your future.

3. The best way to define the relationship with someone is to ask if they're sleeping with anyone else.

Although asking the person you're seeing if they're sleeping with anyone else probablydoesget at the crux of what you're wondering (and, from a sexual health perspective, is vital to know), Yannotta said this can make a simple question seem more accusatory than you might like and "put them in defense mode."

You don't want to make them think they're doing anything wrong — if you haven't decided to be exclusive yet, hooking up with someone else isn't necessarily an indiscretion — but you shouldn't be afraid to let them know if becoming exclusive is a goal for you, and, if so, what your timeline for that looks like.

There are effective — and not-so-effective — ways to define your relationship.

Fortunately, you don't have to make a big change to your sentence structure. Instead, Yannotta says to just swap out "sleeping with" for "dating" or "seeing." This will get you the information you need in a slightly lower-drama way. If you do decide to be exclusive, that opens up the door for a larger conversation about sexual history.

4. A cool, casual way to become official is to ask, "Where do you see this going?"

Asking someone where they "see things going" seems like an innocent way to start a define-the-relationship conversation. But this could actually put the onus to build a relationship timeline on the person you're seeing, rather than putting one together as a team.

"This is a future-oriented question that puts too much pressure on the other person to design a future for the relationship, when it's really up to both of you," Yannotta said.

If you're starting off the conversation, just do so without pretense. If they don't answer you directly, that could be a red flag.

That being said, you probably don't need to worry too much about semantics. Choosing your words carefully can help reduce the awkwardness of a situation, but someone isn't going to decide to become official with you or not based on how you phrase things.

5. You just need to just "jump back in there" after a breakup.

Diving headfirst into the proverbial dating pool after a breakup is something that, in theory, sounds like a good idea. If you're distracting yourself with a revolving door of new dates — AKA rebounds — it'll only be a matter of time before you find someone to replace your ex, right?

Not exactly.

"Trying to date when you know you aren't ready isn't going to benefit anyone involved," Yannotta told INSIDER. "It's just trying to put a band-aid over something that, ultimately, requires a lot more to fix."

Often, the best thing to do after a breakup is wallow. Miramax

If it's taking longer to get over your ex than you think it should, this doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It might just mean that you should take some time to be with yourself instead of joining a dating app until you feel like you're truly ready to meet someone again.

Now, a disclaimer: Every single one of these dating don'ts should be taken with a grain of salt. Some people might find that going on a rebound after a particularly tough breakup helped them find their one true love. All the same, certain things that have always been treated as standards in dating should be treated with a certain amount of skepticism — and, hopefully, Yannotta's advice on the advicenotto take will help you do so.






Video: Still A Chance To Get Back Together Or Did I Ruin It For Good?

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Date: 14.12.2018, 06:39 / Views: 62581